Weston's Birth Story.

It's April 17th. When the sun rises tomorrow Weston will officially be a one year old. Truth be told I'm having a harder time with it than I had anticipated. I've been working on publishing this story for almost a year now. It's been about 80% finished since about May of last year. I pick it up for a day or two and then tuck it away for weeks at a time. I think there is a part of me that thinks if I don't finish it, then it wasn't so long ago that it happened. And that if I finish writing it that somehow that will signify the end of Weston's babyhood... that I'll never be able to relive those newborn moments again. It was almost 80 degrees here today. The sun is setting and I'm sitting in the moss by the woods with my back to a tree. The chickens are dancing in the grass, grabbing a quick snack here and there before they sneak away to the coop for the night. And it is here that I am going to cry quiet tears and finish this story. Because it deserves finishing, and sharing. Because my baby will be one tomorrow. And I've held on really really tight for 365 days and maybe now it's finally time to let this story go.

I went to visit my childhood friend and her new baby on Friday afternoon. She had her first son a few days before, on my due date. On the hour and a half drive to her house I was having pretty strong contractions but nothing that I hadn't been having for the last several weeks. When I was at her house I had to stay on all fours in her living room for my entire visit because it was too uncomfortable to sit down on the couch. I think she was sure that I was going to have my baby right there on her living room floor haha! I ignored all the contractions because I had already had so many false alarms over the last four weeks or so. My due date was only four days prior and I had basically convinced myself that I was probably going to go for another week at least so I just brush them off as nothing. On the way home from Brittany's house the car ride was super uncomfortable because I was having contractions pretty regularly. I got home and gave Navi a bath and Chris put her to bed while I took a shower and then came downstairs to watch some TV. I sat on the couch for maybe a half an hour and then I was just so exhausted I decided to go to bed early. I told Chris that maybe this could be the night and I wanted to make sure I was well rested. 

I woke up around one in the morning to use the bathroom. When I stood up I half expected my water to break because so far the evening had felt pretty similar to the way things had gone the night before Navi was born. My water didn't break and I just had a small contraction when I went to the bathroom but that was pretty normal for me and nothing felt out of the ordinary so I went back to sleep. I woke again at 4:30 in the morning and felt like I had to pee, and this time when I stood up out of bed, my water broke. Chris was sleeping on the couch downstairs (he had been down there for the last few weeks because I was waking up so much at night so it was the best way for us to both get the most sleep), I texted him and said "my water broke :)". No response. So a couple minutes later I texted again "come up here, this is for real!"... No response. "BRO! Lets go! Baby time!"... That did the trick ;)

Chris came up to sit with me and we timed a few contractions, I was already at about 6 minutes apart and feeling cold and shivery which is how I felt during Navi's birth too. We called our midwives to let them know that it was baby time and they suggested that I try laying back down to get some rest because it could still be a little while. I laid down for about fifteen minutes and there was no way that was going to work, I could tell that things were moving quickly and my body wanted to be moving. I hopped in the shower and after about ten minutes I told Chris that he needed to call them again. Our midwives were traveling from an hour away and I wanted to make sure that they were able to make it in time for the birth. When Chris called them they said that they had already left. They said after hanging up they had a feeling I was progressing quickly and they decided to just play it safe and head our way.

I labored on my own in the shower for about an hour, listening to the birth playlist that I had made a few weeks prior. Chris quietly moved about our room, setting up the birth tub, bringing me water and food and various essential oils that I asked for. I have only one photo from this pre-birth time. I took it while standing in the shower. He looked like such a pro standing their hooking up the hose to the sink to fill up the tub, like the silent hero of the day, so I quickly snapped a photo, to remember him this way. The midwives arrived and I got out of the shower. I chatted with them for a bit and they listened to the baby's heartbeat through a few contractions. I started feeling my head go into a different place than it had been for the last few hours so I told them that I felt like I should be alone and went back into the bathroom. For months I had been imagining my birth. Setting intentions for exactly how I wanted things to go with the hope that when the big day finally came, my body would follow the game-plan I had laid out in my head. I was so in-the-zone at the time that I didn't realize that things were going exactly according to plan.

I got back into the shower and I could feel things intensifying. But it just didn't feel like it was any where near "go time". I couldn't believe that birth could happen so quickly? Within about ten minutes of me getting in the shower the midwives were coming in and saying "Ummm, I think you should get in the tub now." I brushed them off once. And then twice. And then I thought "Ok, if they try to get me in the tub again, I'll listen." They're pretty relaxed about things and so the fact that they repeatedly urged me to get in the tub says that maybe they knew something was about to happen that I didn't. Soooo they came to get me again and I decided to heed their request and hobbled my way into the birth tub.

Chris went downstairs to tell my mom and sister that things were progressing and that we would probably be having a baby within an hour or two. Within five minutes, I was pushing. Our midwife Anna ran down to get Chris so that he wouldn't miss anything. I never felt the baby's head when Navi was born, I was too afraid to reach down and feel what was going on. But this time, I vowed to do things a little differently and I'm so glad that I did. I reached down and felt the baby's velvety little head. Time stood still and I had this realization in my head that I was the first person to ever lay my hands on this tiny little miracle. He went straight from heaven to my hands, that felt pretty magical. With Navi I actively pushed for over four hours, so this quick and smooth birth process was all new territory for me. I put all of my focus on staying calm and present and breathed away my contractions and I let my body just do what it was made to do. One of our midwives ran downstairs to get my sister (she was going to be taking birth photographs for me) and she made it into the room literally the minute that our Weston was born. They laid him on my chest and I laughed and cried and kept saying "is that it?! That was so easy!" (I had dreamt that I would say this. I'm so glad that it came true).

A boy! We could hardly believe it. My exact words were "no shit?! are you serious?!" haha! He had the softest skin and the most beautiful black hair and his eyes just sank right into my soul the minute they connected with mine. He felt like magic- like in holding him I was holding a fresh bundle of stardust that had just fallen from the sky. He felt otherworldly. Like there were still bits of heaven dancing around inside his head. In just over four and a half hours after my water broke my sweet boy was in our arms, it was everything I had hoped for. We climbed into bed and within a few minutes Chris was going down the hallway to Navi's room to ask her if she wanted to come meet her new baby brother. He took to nursing right away and after meeting Navi and my mom, Weston and I took an herbal tea bath together before taking a nap. It was just the most beautiful and peaceful earthside entrance that I could ever have hoped for my sunshine boy. The piece of our puzzle that I never knew we were missing.

The first few weeks were a beautiful, hazy, blur. He nursed and we cuddled and he nursed some more. There were herbal tea baths and breakfasts in bed and my mom quietly buzzing around our house, preparing meals and keeping things in tip top shape. For the most part, Weston was a quiet and calm newborn. He has easily soothed and preferred to spend his time in the sling, close to my heart. And while I love the little boy that baby has grown to be, I would give just about anything for one more smell of his little newborn head. Oh, my Weston! We are so so glad you're here!


And now here we are, already an entire year away from the day he was born. That blows my mind and burns my throat and aches my heart. This has easily been the fastest year of my life. I went back and forth about whether or not I wanted to share this story or just keep it for myself. I didn't share many details from Navi's birth... but this time things felt different. I found so much comfort and strength in reading other birth stories and watching birth videos and such when I was pregnant. And while I feel incredibly raw in sharing this piece of our story, and these images, I just know that I need to to share my experience and give a little bit back of whats been given to me.

All of these photos were taken by my incredible talented sister, you can find her contact info on her photography page HERE.